I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
