i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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