it wasn't lemon gatorade
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
