I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
