i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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