He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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