she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
