I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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