Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
