You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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