You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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