I wish I could teleport
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
