Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
