You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
