half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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