does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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