I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need moral support for this bender
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
