oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize