Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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