she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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