don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
