Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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