I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
