Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
