theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
