HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
