i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
