how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
