I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
