sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
