So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
