i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Only a mothe r could love this liver
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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