I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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