Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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