so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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