I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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