I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
