i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
