I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
