Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize