using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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