Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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