I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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