No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
