if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
