Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
