Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize