Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
