dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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