Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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