Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
