Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
