dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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