I'm drive I can fine osifer
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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