He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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