White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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