Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
