As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize