she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
