I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
