forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it hurts more in the daytime
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
