i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i think my cat just said my name.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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