Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he was CRYING into my vagina
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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