So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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