it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
be right there i have to get my cape
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
