You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
