girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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