My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
