dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
