dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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