dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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