i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize