My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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