She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
