I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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