So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
