3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
